FUCK YOU, STOP CALLING ME - June 2012

Summer is here, school is out.  There are losers just getting out of school, looking for summer jobs.  What better way to spend your summer than to harass people?  Instead of getting a respectable job, try telemarketing and go nowhere in your shitty life.

4 June 2012
   253-246-8514  Kent, WA  Ah, fucking douchebags from Kent are back.  Technically, this is the second call.  Well, from this number.  In fact, if we apply the SACAPDE rule, this is the 18th call from Kent.  So, for the 18th time, I say to you, Kent, WA...go fuck yourself! 

   253-246-8514  Kent, WA  I was not even done typing about the first call of the day...and these motherfuckers call, again.  Fuck you, fuck you, and oh yeah...fuck you! 

Fun fact:  The number one search that leads to my blog is a number from Kent.  So, if you are here because of search, welcome...and share the hate.

   253-246-8514  Kent, WA  Third call today, makes the total four.  The record for calls in a day is six.  See if you can beat that.

   253-246-8514  Kent, WA  That would be four calls in about eight hours, today.  Only two more to go to match the record.  Are you going to step up?

Bunch of fucking assholes

 5 June 2012
   971-220-1003  Gresham, OR  Well, where the fuck have you been?  Crawling back to me, as if I am going to feel sorry for you?  Your thirteenth call, not bad...you still suck big donkey dick.

11 June 2012
   503-457-1003  Tillamook, OR  I was just thinking to myself, "It has been about a week..." Oh, you motherfuckers!  Here is Tillamook, again....SACAPDE.  This is the fifth call from Tillamook, all from different extensions.  I should have known, I had some Tillamook cheese this morning.  Are they somehow tracking my dairy intake? 

16 June 2012
   704-747-7415  Charlotte, NC  Hey, I think this is a first from North Carolina...only this was a fucking text.  Fuck you and your fucking texts.

25 June 2012
   503-457-1003  Tillamook, OR  Two weeks since my last call.  That is some kind of record.  Note:  I am not count a fucking text as a call.  Still, even with that text, it has been nine days.  I almost felt neglected.  I have a feeling that they are going to cram a few calls before the end of the month.

   503-457-1003  Tillamook, OR  Of course you are going to call again.  Wait, are you trying to remind me that I still have some cheese in the fridge?  This is the last time I buy Tillamook cheese.  

26 June 2012
   503-457-1003  Tillamook, OR  For those of you new to this, do you now see how this shit works?  They take a fucking break...most likely calling someone else...then bombard you with string of calls on consistant days.  Fuck this shit.

28 June 2012
   971-220-1003  Gresham, OR  What the fuck is up the extension 1003?  Both Gresham and Tillamook can go fuck each other while jumping off a cliff.

29 June 2012
   971-220-1003  Gresham, OR  Fifteenth call.  Can you believe it?  The record is twenty-seven calls from Astroia.  Come to think of it, I have not heard from Astoria in a while.  Where are those fuckers?

   971-220-1003  Gresham, OR  Still ringing as I type...oh, I guess they hung up.  Only eleven calls to tie the champ.  Notice how they cram all the calls towards the end of the month. 

FUCK YOU, STOP CALLING ME - March 2012

Wow, last month was exciting!  We had the fuckers in Astoria break the twenty mark, that is amazing.  But, what is in store this month?  Well, let us get right to it.

6 March 2012
   503-468-5227  Astoria, OR   Twenty-one.  Can you believe it?  It took a few days into the month, but these fuckers are getting back on track.  Last month alone they made ten calls to me...and it was a short month.  I do not want to jinx it but I think they can reach the thirty mark before this time next month.  So, at what point does it become harassment?

8 March 2012
   385-468-4668  UT, USA  Listed as unknown, but did a little search on my "Telemarketing Confirmation Network"...or Google, showed that it came from somewhere in Utah.  Did they really think that having 'unknown' as their location would get me to answer the phone?  Hello, it is unknown.  I was taught to "never talk to strangers"...unknown means stranger.  Heck, I do not even talk to people I know.  So, fuck you!

10 March 2012
   503-457-1085  Tillamook, OR  Second call from Tillamook, but different number.  Oh, like you were going to fool me a different number...on a Saturday.  Hello, you are calling from a city called Tillamook.  That alone sounds like a fake name. 

13 March 2012
   323-927-2307  Los Angeles, CA  I kinda get excited when I get a number I do not recognize.  But then again, I miss the return callers.  Again, smart to change up the numbers and smart to call every other day, or so.  I may go as far to say that it was a good move to call at seven in the evening...making me think it is a legitimate call.  For your efforts, I invite you to go fuck yourself.

15 March 2012
   503-468-5227  Astoria, OR  Twenty-two!  So, the strategy for Astoria is to lay low the first half of the month, then strike hard and often at then end of the month.  Looks like they can make it to thirty this month. 

16 March 2012
   503-468-5227  Astoria, OR  And so it begins, the onslaught of calls until the end of the month.  My theory is, they need to meet quota.  Knowing that half the month is over, they need to step up and continually harass me until they get to thirty calls.  Only seven more to go before the end of the month.   Should be no problem for these fuckwads.

   503-468-5227  Astoria, OR  Twenty-four.  I know have as many calls from Astoria as the Montreal Canadiens has Stanley Cups. 

19 March 2012
   503-457-1231  Tillamook, OR  Dear Tillamook.  If you want the record, you need to do what Astoria does and keep harassing me with the same number.  What a bunch of fucking losers.  Even for a telemarketer you are fucking dumb.

   503-468-5227  Astoria, OR  This is exactly what I mean.  Consistency!  That makes twenty-five, a quarter away from one hundred.

   503-468-5227  Astoria, OR  Wow!  Hey, Tellamook.  Are you taking notes.  Twenty-six calls, one for each letter in the alphabet.  6-21-3-11 25-15-21.  Decode that with your Ovaltine decoder ring.

20 March 2012
   612-222-7091  MN, USA  Just two words.  FUCK OFF!

   503-468-5227  Astoria, OR  Twenty-seven is a cube number.  You know square numbers, right?  Well, this is a cube number.  Three cubed is twenty-seven.  That would be twenty-seven ways to say, fuck you!

21 March 2012
   612-222-7091  MN, USA  Same two words as yesterday.  FUCK OFF!

   612-222-7091  MN, USA  Wait a minute, I think we have contender.  Three call in two days, so far.  You have a ways to catch up to Astoria.  By the way, FUCK OFF!

Last three days of harassment.

22 March 2012
   360-529-6156  WA, USA  While this the fourth time I have received a call from this number, I have received many from the 360-529-XXXX.  Surely any government agency can trace and track these sets of numbers and do something about it.  You know, put a stop to this bullshit.  If only there was some sort of Do Not Call Registry. 

   612-222-7091  MN, USA  Wow, stepping up with their fourth call in three days.  Hey Astoria, whatcha gonna do about it.  You gonna let Minnesota punk you like that?  Bitch?

   360-529-6156  WA, USA  Make that five calls, and two in one day.  One has to wonder where Astoria is at this moment.

   773-321-2120   IL, USA  Something about Illinois that compels them to call me at 7:55PM...which is, oh...fucking 10:55PM over there.  Who the fuck calls people at 11PM?  Fucking terrorists, that is who.

23 March 2012
   612-222-7091  MN, USA  Good pace.  By this time next month, you should have the record.  It is a long ride, buddy.  Astoria has quite the head start, they have been fucking themselves since December of 2011.  Good luck, and fuck off.

24 March 2012
   612-222-7091  MN, USA   Well, shit.  If you are going to call on the fucking weekends, at 9:30 in the morning, then for sure you have a chance to get the record.  Call number six, only twenty-one more to tie Astoria. 

26 March 2012
   971-220-1183  Gresham, OR  Different number, same prefix...and same bunch of terrorists. 

27 March 2012
   303-249-9700  Denver, CO  Denver, the mile high city.  Tell you what...join the mile high club, and go fuck yourself!

28 March 2012
   303-249-9700  Denver, CO  I was hoping that the pussies from Astoria would break thirty already.  Instead, we have this frozen nads from Denver with their second call. 

31 March 2012
   415-627-8613  San Francisco, CA  Another text message, this time a chance to win a $1000 gift card.  You owe me 20 cents for the text.  Take the remaining $999.80 and shove it up your ass.  Did I mention that this was a text message that came in at 7:37 on a Saturday morning?  Fuck you!

FUCK YOU, STOP CALLING ME - February 2012

A new month, a new record. We left off with Astoria tying the record at ten calls on the last day of January. Well, these assholes come swooping in early in the month with the record breaking call. I have to admit that I got a little excited when I got that call. I almost answered the phone to congratulate them.  

1 February 2012
   503-468-5227  Astoria, OR  Eleven! That is a new record. I love how these guys fight back. Slowly and steady wins the race. One only knows where they go from here. Congratulations on breaking the record, and fuck you!  

2 February 2012
   503-468-5227   Astoria, OR  Twelve...a dozen calls from the same number. So, that plan to call every three days is scrapped and now they are back to their old techniques. Am I to expect another call tomorrow? You can just go ahead and fuck the right off.

   503-468-5227  Astoria, OR   Oh, wait...you are going really old school, calling multiple times a day. You already broke the all time call record. Are you going for the calls per day record? That is two calls in two hours.  I can only say fuck you in so many ways, but I am up to challenge.

The last five calls:  The record tying call, record breaking call, and three more just to fuck with me.

   503-468-5227  Astoria, OR  That makes fourteen calls, folks. Three in one day.  Wait, I cannot believe I missed this. Hold on. Okay, ready? Look at the date for today, 2 February...it is fucking Groundhog Day. No, not groundhog fucking day, just Groundhog Day. Yeah, like the fucking movie. Ugh, not porn, the regular movie. Anyways, it is like I am living in that movie with these goddamn calls. I wounder if terrorists actually have a sense of humour. Do you think they planned this, just for me? Oh, you guys are so goddamn funny...go fuck yourselves.

4 February 2012
   310-614-1082  Palm Desert, CA  Another fucking text message, FUCK YOU!  And...this shit comes in at 7:14...in the morning...on a fucking Saturday.  Oh but wait, apparently Apple wants to test out iPhone 5, and if I am the first 1000....you get the idea.  Uh, I am pretty sure that a company like Apple has their own internal testing group, and they do not need to hire terrorists to help test their products.  

   312-273-9245  IL, USA  What the fuck is up with these weekend calls?  These guys need to get out on the weekends.  Scratch that, these guys need to get out...and find a real job, a respectable job. 

5 February 2012
   661-623-7085  Taft, CA  Argh, another text massage...on a Sunday!  Calls and texts on weekends?  Seems like I am getting texts from California numbers on the weekend.  Fuck you, Calfornia!  I do not even read or respond to texts from people I know...but the 'receiving of up to $1,250 transfer to my account is really going to get my attention.  Yeah, take your $1,250 and shove it up your ass!

9 February 2012
   619-438-4347  San Diego, CA  Oh look, another fucking text.  This time, I can get $1500.  Step up, Taft.  I bet the next fucking terrorists texts me with a $1750 offer. Yeah, fuck you in the ass with Shamu.
    
11 February 2012
   410-000-002  Yep, this is another on of those text messages I get on occasion. Only this one came in at 1:22AM.  What the fuck?

14 February 2012
   773-449-5062  IL, USA  Too bad I missed the call, I bet they were calling to wish me a Happy Valentine's Day.  Well, fuck Hallmark, fuck Valentine's Day, and fuck all telemarketers.  I hope someone shoot an arrow through your heart.

15 February 2012
   503-457-1274  Tillamook, OR  Tillamook, really?  Hey, Tillamook is about seventy miles south of Astoria.  I like Nike, but Oregon sucks big donkey dick.

16 February 2012
   503-468-5227  Astoria, OR  ...and that makes it fifteen calls.  We are halfway through the month, a short month, although there is that 'extra' day, I wonder if they can make it to twenty calls.  Do you think anyone in the cave office got flowers or candy for Valentine's Day?  Yeah, probably not.

   503-468-5227  Astoria, OR  Make that sixteen calls.  Colour me surprised.

   503-468-5227  Astoria, OR  Third call of the day.  Wait, if I was to do this like the public address guy at a hockey game.

With their third of the day, a natural hat trick and seventeenth of their career....call made by Assssstorrrriaaaaaa, OR!  Time of the call, 15:26.  Yeah, fuck you!

17 February 2012
   503-468-5227  Astoria, OR  Wow, eightteen calls.  They can easily break the twenty mark by the end of the day.  This is almost exciting.  Yeah, this is the stuff I look forward too.  Sometimes I think I do not have a life...then I think about the people of Astoria. 

   502-873-0246  KY, USA  KY?  How about you take some KY and lube up your phone and shove it up your fucking ass.  Fuck you, Kentucky...and fuck your shitty KFC franchises.

18 February 2012
   424-207-7911  Inglewood, CA  I did a Google search on this number, nothing came up.  Terrorists usually do not attack on weekends.
 
   424-207-7911  Inglewood, CA  My phone was in another room, so I ignored it.

   424-207-7911  Inglewood, CA   I am not sure if this is from a telemarketer, but they called three times in less than two minutes.  If if was urgent enough to call me three times, why not leave a message?  All the same...just to be safe, fuck you!

23 February 2012
   971-220-1017   Gresham, OR  Another return caller, been about a month since got a call from Gresham.  Based on the pattern, I should be getting another call from Astroia soon. 

24 February 2012
   360-529-6156  WA, USA  I have had a dozen calls from the 360-529-61XX number.  This is the first from this particular number.  Looks like Washington is getting back into business.  The Pacific Northwest is full of a bunch of hipsters anyways.  They can all go right ahead and fuck themselves.

   971-220-1017   Gresham, OR  Well, hello again.  Third call from this number.  I wonder if there is a big hat full of numbers, my number and I just keep getting picked by the same fucking douche bags.  How does this process work?  Nah, fuck it...I do not really care.

25 February 2012
   360-529-6156  WA, USA  At eight in the morning on a fucking Saturday?  Really?  How important is this that you need to call me this early in the morning...on a fucking Saturday?  If it was that important, why not leave a message like a normal person?  Oh, because it is automated and the fucking terrorists have won.

   360-529-6156  WA, USA  Another call on a Saturday.  I think these guys want to climb up the charts.  This is only their third call from this number.  Keep working on it.  By the way, the record is eighteen calls.  Hey, I have an idea...you should call Astoria and bug them.  In the meantime, go fuck yourself!

27 February 2012
   802-552-8144  Montpelier, VT  Montpelier?  Well, that is random?  Here I am thinking the Pacific Northwest was the hub of all telelmarketer activity.  Did you know that Montpelier is the capital of Vermont?  See, I do a little research, once in a while.  Actually, I kinda remembered it from Wacko's 50 States.  Here, check it out.



28 February 2012
   860-229-2992  CT, USA   Nice number, easy to remember.  Which also makes it easier for me to ignore.  There is something going on in the telemarketer community.  I normally do not get calls from the Northeast.  I think these crazy rise of gas prices has something to do with it...or not.  Seriously, I think they are setting up camp in another region of the country to throw people off.  They do this every few months.  I wonder if they will ever move to Hawai'i.

29 February 2012
   970-232-6238  CO, USA   What a great way to celebreate Leap Day.  How about you leap off a cliff somewhere in the Rockies.  We can scratch Colorado off the list, this is the first call from them.

   503-468-5227   Astoria, OR  That would be number nineteen.  I knew telemarketers were not that smart, back to their old ways.  Well, fuck you!

   503-468-5227   Astoria, OR  TWENTY!!!  I cannot believe that they did it, they reach the twenty call mark. This is history, folks.  They said it could not be done.  What is next for theses guys?  Thiery, forty, fifty?  Will they break a hundred?  Oh, I better not jinx them.  This is the best Leap Day, ever!

FUCK YOU, STOP CALLING ME - May 2012

I just got this brilliant idea.  There seems to be a lot of outsourcing of customer service and tech support personnel.  You have a problem and you need a fix and hopefully the person you are connected to knows how to fix your problem.  Well, one of the problems is, the person on the other end is in some foreign country and your native language is not their first language.  There is a definite language barrier, and unfortunately, the calls are very frustrating on both ends, and sometimes nothing gets accomplished during the call.  You want to speak with someone that can communicate in your native tongue.

Meanwhile, there are thousands of jobs in telemarketing that are in this country.  They all speak the native language...after the automated system routes you to said assholes.  No language barrier.

So, here is the idea.  Telemarketers should become customer service and tech service people.  That way, they have a meaningful job.  True, they will have to learn a few skills (depending on the service), but at least the jobs stay within the country of origin.  I am not forgetting the folks overseas.  They become the telemarketers.

This plan works abroad, example:  Operators from Country A will provide tech support and customer service to people in Country A.  Meanwhile, different agents from the same Country A, the fucking losers, call other countries with telemarketing needs. 

Anyways, on with this month's calls

2 May 2012
   971-220-1003  Gresham, OR  Again, this is from the same call center as previous Gresham numbers.  It has the same area code and prefix, 971-220...just different extension.  So far, I have received calls from 971-220-1019, 971-220-1017, and 971-220-1183.  Now, 971-220-1003.  If you count all those numbers, this is the eleventh call from Gresham. 

   971-220-1003  Gresham, OR  And so it begins. 

3 May 2012
   971-220-1003  Gresham, OR  Barely 8:30AM and I am alreasy getting calls.  I was lucky enough to have a mini break from these fucking assholes last month.  Seems they are starting early and often.  I do not get tired of NOT answering and typing "fuck off".  So, fuck off!

   971-220-1003  Gresham, OR  Wow, it only took 33 minutes for the second call of the day.  That is four calls in less that 24 hours.  Fourteen calls total, if we count the other calls from Gresham.  And, a fuck off to you, too.

The first of many to some.

4 May 2012
   971-220-1003  Gresham, OR  Another early call.  Seems like my call time is the latter half of the eight o'clock hour.  With five calls in three days, I feel that I should post this now.  By the way, the record is six calls in one day.  See if you pussies can beat that.

   202-783-6639  DC, USA  Wait "DC", as in Washington DC?  Holy fuck, is the President calling me concerning the telemarketer situation?  Maybe it is the Do Not Call Registry calling to confirm that they targeted the terrorists and have put a stop to telemarketing.  No, of course not.  A simple Google check, and it shows that it is for some fucking 'cardholder service'.  Yeah, go fuck yourself!

5 May 2012
   253-382-9928  Tacoma, WA  First Washington DC, now Washington the state.  I think this is the first call from Tacoma...which is pretty close to our buddies in Kent, WA.  Oh, did I mention this was a Saturday morning call?

7 May 2012
   971-220-1003  Gresham, OR  Sixth call, so far.  We are seven days into the month and I got six calls.  I wonder if they can average a call a day and to thirty.  With Memorial Day and weekends, they will have to get on it and make several calls a day.   If they are willing to commit to this, I am willing to ignore all their calls.

8 May 2012
    701-920-9805  Center, ND  Good old North Dakota.  Been a while since I have hear from them.  If they chose to repeat the pattern, I should be getting a shitload of calls in the next few days. Those fuckers in Gresham may have some competition for this month.

10 May 2012
   702-525-0180  Las Vegas, NV  A fucking text message that cost me another twenty cents.  Fuck you.

14 May 2012
   425-390-8149  Renton, WA  The fucking Northwest.  Again, not the first call from Renton.  Their tactic is the old switcheroo.  If you follow my rants about these fucking cunt holes, you will know that this shit happens all the time.

15 May 2012
   253-246-8514  Kent, WA  Once Renton calls, you know that Kent is not far behind.  Again, same area code and prefix, different extension.  It is like I won the lottery and relatives I have never heard from are calling me, begging for some money.  I should be expecting a call from Astoria, soon.  Oh, and let the record show that I kinda predicted this call ten days ago.  Look at the first entry on this post.  Fuck heads!

   646-460-1282   New York, NY  Another text message.  Apparently, I won some bullshit contest that I have never heard of and sure as hell not enter in.  Fuck you, you owe me twenty cents.

According to my calculations, this is the thirty-fifth text I have received a text from a telemarketer.  So, at twenty cents a pop...these mother fuckers owe me seven dollars.  I know that is not a lot, but that money could be used to feed the starving children.  See, every time a telemarketer texts you, a child gets raped and dies.  Yes, at the end of the day, telemarketers are raping and killing innocent children.

16 May 2012
   406-219-2064  Bozeman, MT  Bozeman?  What the fuck kind of name is Bozeman?  It sounds like a shitty fake name that a stoned teenager gives to a cop.  Actually, this is the second time (since January 2011) I have received a call from fucking Bozeman.  Had to look up the records.  Again, different extension.  I need to come up with a term for "same area code and prefix, different extension".  How about SACAPDE?
 
17 May 2012
   971-220-1003  Gresham, OR  Oh, well welcome back.  Only fucked off for ten days?  Go ahead and fuck off some more.  Seventh call. 

   971-220-1003  Gresham, OR  Eighth call, second call in less than an hour.  Should I expect a few calls tomorrow to make up for those ten days?  You are about eleven calls behind, if you want to hit that 30 call  mark by the end of the month.  Oh, and fuck off!

Technically, I have a stalker.

 18 May 2012
   971-220-1003  Gresham, OR  This would be number nine.  Wait for it.....

   971-220-1003  Gresham, OR ...and there it is, ten calls.  Now, rest up during the weekend.  You got a big week ahead of you.  I expect you to break twenty by this time next week.  Meanwhile, go fuck yourself. 

21 May 2012
   562-884-8324  Long Beach, CA  Another fucking text.  This one apparently my purchase from Wal-Mart last month won me $1000.  Yeah, fuck you!  I have said it before, I will say it again...save your fucking blood money and stop fucking drunk texting me.  Next time I go to Wal-Mart, I am going to steal and/or damage twenty cents of their merchandise.  Fuck you!

23 May 2012
   720-409-2532  CO, USA  Hey, new number from Colorado.  Fuck you and your rectangular state.

25 May 2012
    971-220-1003  Gresham, OR  Where are we at with these assholes?  Oh yeah, eleven.  Something tells me they are not done.

   971-220-1003  Gresham, OR  Twelve?  Is that all you got?  Barely averaging one call every two days.  Oh, I almost forgot...fuck you!

29 May 2012
   503-457-1166  Tillamook, OR  So excited that I get to use my new term SACAPDE.  Yup, I have received calls crom Tillamook on four occasions, each with a differnt extension.  What the fuck is with Oregon?  Speaking of Oregon...Hey Gresham, you less than three days to call me...fuck you!

   805-490-1966  City of Commerce, CA  Guess what...yup, another fucking text message.  This one is for some work at home thing where I can make $57 an hour working from home.  It would be fucking awesome if this job was a telemarketing job.  You owe me twenty cents, fuck off!

31 May 2012
   206-279-8764  Seattle, WA  Holy shit, a new number.  Last call of the month and the shitbags from Gresham did not step up, typical.  Notice that these calls are coming from the Northwest.  What the fuck is up with the hipsters up there?  Until next month...well, tomorrow...fuck off!