15 February 2012


A new month, a new record. We left off with Astoria tying the record at ten calls on the last day of January. Well, these assholes come swooping in early in the month with the record breaking call. I have to admit that I got a little excited when I got that call. I almost answered the phone to congratulate them.  

1 February 2012
   503-468-5227  Astoria, OR  Eleven! That is a new record. I love how these guys fight back. Slowly and steady wins the race. One only knows where they go from here. Congratulations on breaking the record, and fuck you!  

2 February 2012
   503-468-5227   Astoria, OR  Twelve...a dozen calls from the same number. So, that plan to call every three days is scrapped and now they are back to their old techniques. Am I to expect another call tomorrow? You can just go ahead and fuck the right off.

   503-468-5227  Astoria, OR   Oh, wait...you are going really old school, calling multiple times a day. You already broke the all time call record. Are you going for the calls per day record? That is two calls in two hours.  I can only say fuck you in so many ways, but I am up to challenge.

The last five calls:  The record tying call, record breaking call, and three more just to fuck with me.

   503-468-5227  Astoria, OR  That makes fourteen calls, folks. Three in one day.  Wait, I cannot believe I missed this. Hold on. Okay, ready? Look at the date for today, 2 February...it is fucking Groundhog Day. No, not groundhog fucking day, just Groundhog Day. Yeah, like the fucking movie. Ugh, not porn, the regular movie. Anyways, it is like I am living in that movie with these goddamn calls. I wounder if terrorists actually have a sense of humour. Do you think they planned this, just for me? Oh, you guys are so goddamn funny...go fuck yourselves.

4 February 2012
   310-614-1082  Palm Desert, CA  Another fucking text message, FUCK YOU!  And...this shit comes in at 7:14...in the morning...on a fucking Saturday.  Oh but wait, apparently Apple wants to test out iPhone 5, and if I am the first 1000....you get the idea.  Uh, I am pretty sure that a company like Apple has their own internal testing group, and they do not need to hire terrorists to help test their products.  

   312-273-9245  IL, USA  What the fuck is up with these weekend calls?  These guys need to get out on the weekends.  Scratch that, these guys need to get out...and find a real job, a respectable job. 

5 February 2012
   661-623-7085  Taft, CA  Argh, another text massage...on a Sunday!  Calls and texts on weekends?  Seems like I am getting texts from California numbers on the weekend.  Fuck you, Calfornia!  I do not even read or respond to texts from people I know...but the 'receiving of up to $1,250 transfer to my account is really going to get my attention.  Yeah, take your $1,250 and shove it up your ass!

9 February 2012
   619-438-4347  San Diego, CA  Oh look, another fucking text.  This time, I can get $1500.  Step up, Taft.  I bet the next fucking terrorists texts me with a $1750 offer. Yeah, fuck you in the ass with Shamu.
11 February 2012
   410-000-002  Yep, this is another on of those text messages I get on occasion. Only this one came in at 1:22AM.  What the fuck?

14 February 2012
   773-449-5062  IL, USA  Too bad I missed the call, I bet they were calling to wish me a Happy Valentine's Day.  Well, fuck Hallmark, fuck Valentine's Day, and fuck all telemarketers.  I hope someone shoot an arrow through your heart.

15 February 2012
   503-457-1274  Tillamook, OR  Tillamook, really?  Hey, Tillamook is about seventy miles south of Astoria.  I like Nike, but Oregon sucks big donkey dick.

16 February 2012
   503-468-5227  Astoria, OR  ...and that makes it fifteen calls.  We are halfway through the month, a short month, although there is that 'extra' day, I wonder if they can make it to twenty calls.  Do you think anyone in the cave office got flowers or candy for Valentine's Day?  Yeah, probably not.

   503-468-5227  Astoria, OR  Make that sixteen calls.  Colour me surprised.

   503-468-5227  Astoria, OR  Third call of the day.  Wait, if I was to do this like the public address guy at a hockey game.

With their third of the day, a natural hat trick and seventeenth of their career....call made by Assssstorrrriaaaaaa, OR!  Time of the call, 15:26.  Yeah, fuck you!

17 February 2012
   503-468-5227  Astoria, OR  Wow, eightteen calls.  They can easily break the twenty mark by the end of the day.  This is almost exciting.  Yeah, this is the stuff I look forward too.  Sometimes I think I do not have a life...then I think about the people of Astoria. 

   502-873-0246  KY, USA  KY?  How about you take some KY and lube up your phone and shove it up your fucking ass.  Fuck you, Kentucky...and fuck your shitty KFC franchises.

18 February 2012
   424-207-7911  Inglewood, CA  I did a Google search on this number, nothing came up.  Terrorists usually do not attack on weekends.
   424-207-7911  Inglewood, CA  My phone was in another room, so I ignored it.

   424-207-7911  Inglewood, CA   I am not sure if this is from a telemarketer, but they called three times in less than two minutes.  If if was urgent enough to call me three times, why not leave a message?  All the same...just to be safe, fuck you!

23 February 2012
   971-220-1017   Gresham, OR  Another return caller, been about a month since got a call from Gresham.  Based on the pattern, I should be getting another call from Astroia soon. 

24 February 2012
   360-529-6156  WA, USA  I have had a dozen calls from the 360-529-61XX number.  This is the first from this particular number.  Looks like Washington is getting back into business.  The Pacific Northwest is full of a bunch of hipsters anyways.  They can all go right ahead and fuck themselves.

   971-220-1017   Gresham, OR  Well, hello again.  Third call from this number.  I wonder if there is a big hat full of numbers, my number and I just keep getting picked by the same fucking douche bags.  How does this process work?  Nah, fuck it...I do not really care.

25 February 2012
   360-529-6156  WA, USA  At eight in the morning on a fucking Saturday?  Really?  How important is this that you need to call me this early in the morning...on a fucking Saturday?  If it was that important, why not leave a message like a normal person?  Oh, because it is automated and the fucking terrorists have won.

   360-529-6156  WA, USA  Another call on a Saturday.  I think these guys want to climb up the charts.  This is only their third call from this number.  Keep working on it.  By the way, the record is eighteen calls.  Hey, I have an idea...you should call Astoria and bug them.  In the meantime, go fuck yourself!

27 February 2012
   802-552-8144  Montpelier, VT  Montpelier?  Well, that is random?  Here I am thinking the Pacific Northwest was the hub of all telelmarketer activity.  Did you know that Montpelier is the capital of Vermont?  See, I do a little research, once in a while.  Actually, I kinda remembered it from Wacko's 50 States.  Here, check it out.

28 February 2012
   860-229-2992  CT, USA   Nice number, easy to remember.  Which also makes it easier for me to ignore.  There is something going on in the telemarketer community.  I normally do not get calls from the Northeast.  I think these crazy rise of gas prices has something to do with it...or not.  Seriously, I think they are setting up camp in another region of the country to throw people off.  They do this every few months.  I wonder if they will ever move to Hawai'i.

29 February 2012
   970-232-6238  CO, USA   What a great way to celebreate Leap Day.  How about you leap off a cliff somewhere in the Rockies.  We can scratch Colorado off the list, this is the first call from them.

   503-468-5227   Astoria, OR  That would be number nineteen.  I knew telemarketers were not that smart, back to their old ways.  Well, fuck you!

   503-468-5227   Astoria, OR  TWENTY!!!  I cannot believe that they did it, they reach the twenty call mark. This is history, folks.  They said it could not be done.  What is next for theses guys?  Thiery, forty, fifty?  Will they break a hundred?  Oh, I better not jinx them.  This is the best Leap Day, ever!

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