02 August 2020

FUCK YOU, STOP CALLING ME - August 2020

There has to be some sort of algorithm to telemarketer calls/texts.  I doubt it is random.  Sometimes there is a long break between calls and texts, sometimes we get multiple per day.

2 August 2020
  917-972-8264  New York - As expected, another CBD text.  This CBD campaign seems to have replaced the DoorDash attacks.  I may have jinxed this.  Surprised that there was no call/text yesterday on the first of the month.  But today, on a Sunday, I get a text.  What is the pattern?  Here is something we can always count on, fuck you!

6 August 2020
  creditalertsauqnahmwp@47dybv.com - Let us take a look at this email address.  Credit Alert Sauqnahmwp.  What the fuck is Sauqnahmwp?  Okay, maybe it is Credit Alerts Auqnahmwp.  So, what the fuck is an Auqnahmwp?  Pro tip:  If you have a credit alert company, maybe name it with something more legit...like "Miramar Credit Alert".

creditalertsauqnahmwp@47dybv.com

Now, check out that link.  Is the "ogruuqw" part of the link?  Why is it not blue? 

Speaking of company name, maybe invest in a better domain name than a number and some letters.  This is not a license plate, this is your "company".  I am going to do out on a limb and say this is a scam.  Fuck you!

10 August 2020
  210-729-2422  San Antonio, TX - Look at this mess

210-729-2422

First, they sent to to ten people, hoping that one of these idiots (including me) bites.  There is "phishing" and there is "kasting a wide knet".  

Second, what the fuck are they trying to say here?  What does that number mean?  What website ends with a % sign?  If you are trying to get people to fall for your shitty scam, make an effort to make your message look legit.  Also, do not sent it o ten people at once.

Third, fuck you!

  213-201-7273  Los Angeles, CA - Total robocaller.  Left a message, but it was automated.  Only a portion of the message was received.    Something about mileage and warranty.  Uh, have you checked the news lately?  There is no mileage on anything when shit is on lockdown. Fuck you!

12 August 2020
  310-599-4292  Compton, CA - Another one to add to our block list.  Fuck you!

12 July 2020

Build the Back to the Future Time Machine - Issues 076, 077, 085, 086

Oh, hello, it has been a while.

Some good news.  We got a few shipments whilst on lockdown.  This stuff is shipped to my work address, so it took a while to retrieve the boxes.  There are still some Issues missing, but for the moment, we can at least start building something.

Issues 076, 077, 085, 086
We have been waiting for some of these Issues since November of 2019.

Issue 76 - Right Front Fender (Finally!)


Contents of Issue 076

If you remember the way almost three years ago, in Issue 002 , we had the Left Front Fender.  That was way back in September of 2017.  Same build as the other side, the right side build is just attaching the  rub strips on the fender.

Then, it gets a little complex.  You need to dig up that Left Front Fender, because you are finally going to install, along with the Right Front Fender.  Good thing you kept it in its blister package like I suggested.  We should have received this and installed it eight months ago, but what are you going to do?

Remember this from 2017?
It looks like a pretty simple install.  But, you need to remove the luggage compartment to have access to the screw holes, installed in issue 065.  You will need to remove the four screws holding the luggage compartment along with the hood struts.  Gently remove the assembly, then you can get to those hard to reach areas to mount both front fenders.

If you are in the same situation as us, and have/had missing shipments, you may have gone ahead and worked on the interior lining around the door (Issue 088).  Well, you will have to remove those as they cover the screw holes need to secure the front fenders.

Once you have finally installed the fenders, re-install the luggage compartment and hood struts, and you will be ready for the next part.

Issue 77 - Left Rear Fender


Contents of Issue 077
This was supposed to be the first Rear Fender you receive, before Issue 079.  Simple built here, just install the vent at the base of the C-pillar.  Done.

Oh, wait.  If you have Issue 078, dig that back up.  Now, we can install the rub strips, rear marker light, fake vent, and flux band brackets.  Once the fender is ready, it can be installed on to the body. Remember those interior lining pieces around the door?  Yep, you will need to remove it to get access to one of the holes for rear fender install.

Okay.  Now, we are kinda caught up.

Issue 085 - Engine Bay

Contents of Issue 085
These long waited parts continue on our build from the 081-084 shipment.  So, unearth that assembly from seven months ago and we are in business. After put together, the Engine Bay assembly is mounted on the to body with six screws.

Issue 086 - Interior Ceiling


Contents of Issue 086
Excited for more wires!  This is a pretty straight forward build.  Once completed, we were done with this shipment and done until we get Issue 087.  Not going to build any further as we may need to disassemble areas if we move along without certain parts.

Here is where we are at:

Build up to Issue 086 (interior and chassis not pictured)

While some who have started after us have completed this build, we still wait for shipments to arrive.  We had additional shipments during quarantine, including these four Issues.  Based on what we have received the last few months:

The missing issues include:  087, 092, 095, 096, 099, 100, 101, 102, 103, 104, 105, 114, 115, 116, 117, 118, 119, 120, 125, 126, 127, 128, 129, 130, 131, 132, 133, 134, 135, 136, 137, 138, 139, 140, 141 142 143, 144, 145, 146

I thought there were only 130 Issues, but we received a shipment with issues 147-150.  Based on start time of September 2017, we should to be on Issue 140 (with no missing parts).  This is well beyond the initial 130 Issues, and well beyond the on finished with the basic build.

We have a screw count:  90-AP, 22-BP, 2-CP, 22-AM, 12-BM, 4-EM, 4-CM, 34-DM, 3-DP, 1-FM, 3-GM, 3-HM, 2-IM, 2-EP, 19-FP, 2-JM, 5-HP, 2-GP, 11-NM, 1-MM, 4-KM, 2-LM, 4-IP, 1-OM, 1-PM, 4-JP, 2-KP, 3-QM, 1-LP, 4-MP

to be continued...

01 July 2020

FUCK YOU, STOP CALLING ME - July 2020

Here we go.  First day of the month and we are already getting attacked by telemarketers.

1 July 2020
   delilahcminellase0245@hotmail.com - Sometimes I forget that you can receive emails via text, this like getting junk mail via text.  Good to have a reminder once in a while. Maybe I should click on that random link.

delilahcminellase0245@hotmail.com
This could be their new initiative to send 'emails' since I have pretty much blocked every telemarketer number.  Fuck you!

  310-612-0217  Gardena, CA - Getting the band back together and playing some old hits.  Here is something we have not received in a while, a robocall in Chinese.  They left a voicemail, but the phone had difficulty translating.

310-612-0217
I can see, or rather hear, why there were issues translating. The voice was sort of a droney and monotone.

Pro tip: If you are trying to sell me on something, be a little more enthusiastic about it.  If you are non excited about your product, how are you going to get me excited about it.  Also, make sure I speak the language.  Understanding what you are trying to sell is a huge advantage to getting a sale.

Fuck you!

6 July 2020
   718-755-7029  New York - Well, I guess these fuckers had a few days off during the holiday. Back to work on Monday.

718-755-7029
Maybe I should give this a shot, I kinda do want to try some of these gummies.  Nah...fuck you!

7 July 2020
  310-599-9822  Compton, CA - Typical telemarketer call, fuck you!

  917-703-6379  New York - Typical text, fuck you!

10 July 2020
  310-599-2687  Compton, CA - Getting some calls from Compton.  Are we done with Beverly Hills, and gone to something better?  Fuck you!

12 July 2020
  213-528-5894  Los Angeles, CA - Call Protect to the rescue on a Sunday.  At least we know Call Protect still kinda works.  Anyway, a call on a Sunday?  Fuck you!

13 July 2020
  ethelbpelikanum7898@hotmail.com - Surprised that a classic (classic meaning old) name like Ethel still lurking about.  Ethel even has an email address.

ethelbpelikanum7898@hotmail.com
I wonder what '7898' means?  Wait, was Ethel born in 1998 or 1898?  So there is a 22 or 122 year old out there named Ethel B. Pelikanum who may have just had a birthday, or about to have one.  Well, Happy Birthday and...fuck you!

14 July 2020
  702-276-7403  Nevada - Muthafucker sent this shit to ten people.  Look at the way the icons are aligned like a 10-disc CD box set

7020-276-7403
I mean, come on! The link you provided is not even a real link.  Fuck you!

  310-599-6379  Compton, CA - I thought I recognized that area code and prefix.  Here we go again with calls from the Compton area.  Fuck you!

15 July 2020
  310-599-5692  Compton, CA - What is so special about Compton?  Seems like the hub for telemarketers have moved to Compton.  Must be something in the water.   Fuck you!

  310-502-4300  Compton, CA - Oh, fancy.  Different prefix, but still Compton.  I actually like this kind of number, ending in 00.  It makes it look so official and legit.  Oh, is this a business?  Nah, just some fucking roboscam.  Fuck you!

17 July 2020
  917-755-3026  New York - Interesting.  Look at the entry above on 6 July...and look at this:


917-755-0326
They have the same basic message, peddling the same stuff.  But note that while the area code is different, both texts are from New York...and both are from the same prefix.  The numbers are similar.  Is 755 the new 420?  Fuck you!

  917-756-7057 - New York - These New York numbers keep texting me with these CBD gummie deals.  Just got another one.  Maybe I am seeing things, but I see sort of a pattern in the numbers.  Here is another pattern that you may see.  Fuck you!

20 July 2020
  heatherdnanglebergerpml8640@hotmail.com - Uh, what?  Just a link with no information?  Is this more CBD gummies?  What the fuck are you trying to push?
  

If you gave anyone your email address and it is this long and makes no fucking sense, you will never receive an email.  Fuck you!

  606-359-5277  Kentucky -  I have enough stickers on my car

606-359-5277
Remember a while back, we got this same (or similar) message?  We looked up the site and it is bogus, plus there was something about Dr. Pepper not really doing this sort of thing.  So, fuck you!

21 July 2020
  626-418-5806  Alhambra, CA - Hmm...not 100% sure on this one.  No results from a quick search.  But, as usual, I am leaning towards telemarketer than your legit wrong number.  So, as they say...fuck you!

22 July 2020
  559-264-6625  Fresno, CA - I have hear of Fresno, never been there.  Apparently, it is a very happening place.  A city with a major city vibe without being a major city.  Might be an ideal place to shoot a movie, I am sure location scouts have it on their go to lists.  I wonder why not many productions are shot there.  Is it the taxes?  Or, the fucking telemarketers?  Fuck you!

23 July 2020
  310-502-7618  Gardena, CA - Shit coming in from all over California.  Fuck you!

24 July 2020
  310-599-2857 - Compton, CA - I thought I blocked this number.  I predict that they will run through all these Compton numbers until they find another city as their base of operations. Fuck you!

  917-705-4083  New York -  I was just thinking to myself, "it has been almost ten days since we got a text about CBD".  Well, wait no longer...we got that text.  Patiently waiting for the next CBD text.  Fuck you!

26 July 2020
  407-492-6357  Orlando, FL - On an Sunday evening.  I will give you three guess as to what this was about.

407-492-6357
If you guessed this was another CBD advertisement, you are correct. Bonus points if you guessed it was a text.  Will CBD oil block telemarketers?  Fuck you!

30 July 2020
  310-845-1695  Culver City, CA - Just a random call with no message.  Most likely a spoofed number.  At least, this was not peddling CBD.  Fuck you!




20 June 2020

NHL Jersey Numbers Do Not Belong on the Shoulders

Hey, another hockey related post.  Here we are, one hundred days since the last NHL game played before the league shut everything down due to the global pandemic.  While the league and its players are getting ready to restart play, we would be celebrating the Cup Champion around this time of the year.

So, why are we here.  Jersey numbers.  Specifically, the location of jersey numbers.  We can all agree that number do not belong in the front of the jersey.  Currently, I think only the Buffalo Sabres are the only team with numbers on the front, on the right chest.  This looks stupid.  Heck, even Jack Eichel is complaining about his disappointment in the Sabres organization because of the numbers being on the front of the jersey.  Yeah, pretty sure that is what he was disappointed about.  I mean, this is why Buffalo is not getting into the playoffs...where are they going to put the Finals patch?

Anyway, there is another place where jersey number simply do not belong.  The shoulders.  There are a few teams that do this, mainly on their thirds.  I am too lazy to research which exact ones.  Florida is the one team that has numbers on their main home and away uniforms.

Florida home jersey (pic stolen from internet)
Note the stupid numbers on the shoulders. A total eyesore. There is a very simple fix to this.  The Panthers have these beautiful patches on the upper sleeve that can, and should, be placed on the shoulders.  This will leave room for numbers where they belong.  Here, I did a little mock up for you...and the Florida Panthers.

Cleaner look
Look how clean that looks.  I bet Aaron Ekblad would love this.

Another one that violates aesthetics is the Penguin's third jersey. 

WTF? (pic also stolen from internet)
Yes, I know the history of the jersey. It did not look good in the 80's, it does not look good now, and it will never look good to have numbers on the shoulders.  It just looks so top heavy.  There is no excuse here, not like there are patches on the shoulders that need to be moved...and we already proved that moving patched is easy peasy.  Again, simple here.  Numbers go on the upper sleeve.

So much better
Quick mock up, I even took the time to change the colours so they pop. 

There might be another team or two doing this.  But, I think you get the idea of what I am getting at.  Just look at how much cleaner and balanced the jerseys look when the numbers are properly placed on the upper arm. 

Next time, maybe we talk about fixing some jerseys that just missed the mark.

03 June 2020

FUCK YOU, STOP CALLING ME - June 2020

There are crazy things happening right now.  If you are reading this some time in the future, just look up 2020.

2 June 2020

 Unknown - Hmm...an "unknown caller".  Well, you are not on the guest list, so fuck you!

3 June 2020
  201-528-6736  Rutherford, NJ - Is there a new term for 'telemarketing via text'?  Maybe something like 'telemarketexting'?  

201-528-6736
Do you see what is happening out there?  Who the fuck wants to go out during this pandemic and civil unrest?  Oh, I am going to take a Uber and risk my safety as well as some stranger's, too?  

And, at 6:36 in the morning?  So, I am barley up, possibly still asleep and you are randomly asking if I want a ride somewhere in a time when we are on lockdown and under curfew?  Know your audience!  

This is clearly an automated marketing tactic, most likely from a spoofed number.  Reply with STOP to unsubscribe?  Nah, you just got blocked.  Fuck you!

Oh, by the way...if anyone wants an Uber code, go ahead and take mine.  My gift to you, totally re-gifting...although, there is a strong chance that this may not be legit.  Stay safe.

  310-849-6886  Beverly Hills, CA - And we are back with the Beverly Hills numbers.  I wonder if the yesterday's "unknown caller" was from BH.  Fuck you!

  310-849-1852  Beverly Hills, CA - So, the first attempt from the old BH came in at 11:25. This one, at 12:42.  Beverly Hills is trying hard to make contact with me.  Again, fuck you!

  310-849-3475  Beverly Hills, CA - What the fuck is going on?  Calls are coming in like rioters breaking into a Best Buy.  Fuck you!

  310-849-7601  Beverly Hills, CA - This is an all out attack.  Fuck you!

  310-849-5917  Beverly Hills, CA - Cannot recall the last time I received five calls in one day.  Fuck you!


4 June 2020
  310-849-7392  Beverly Hills, CA - Good morning.  Here we go again.  Can we get more than five callers, today?  It is only 9:30.  Fuck you!

  785-367-9596  Osage City, KS - Fucking pattern breaker!  All the way from Osage City.  Okay, I had to Google that shit.  Osage City is 35 miles South of Topeka.  A small town of 2821 people (2018), a drop from 2934 people, according to the 2010 census. Wikipedia says, it has a total area of 3.29 square miles (8.52 km²), of which 3.21 square miles (8.31 km ²) is land and 0.08 square miles (0.21 km ²) is water.

Now, that is a small city...more of a town, if you ask me.  How many of those 2821 residence of Osage City, center of the USA, do you think are telemarketers?  Is the whole town a bunch of telemarketers, and 113 of them died off between 2010 and 2018?  Or, maybe they left and found real jobs, maybe machines took over.  One machine took over 113 jobs in middle America.  They are attacking is from with in.  Fuck you!

  269-941-6076  Michigan - Oh, hello.  We have a Call Protect sighting.  A few calls from the BH, slipped by the CP, but this one did not.  "Fraud Risk Auto Blocked".  Indeed.  Fuck you!

5 June 2020
  949-674-8936  Newport Beach, CA - Your typical scam using a large retailer as a facade.

949-674-8936

Again, know your audience.  We have been on a lock down for three months, and I have not purached anything from anywhere. Why would I get a $100 bonus?  I cannot even remember the last time I purchased anything from Amazon.  Pretty sure I spent less than $100.  In fact, I bet it was just over $35, so I could qualify for free shipping.  Most likely, I was looking at something that was about $29.99 and spent the next hour looking for something that was $5.01, just to reach that $35 mark.

 So, there is no way someone with my 'customer loyalty' would have earned a $100 bonus.  Fuck you!

8 June 2020
   213-474-328  Los Angeles, CA - First result in a quick search..."Robocaller Warning!"  Fuck you!

10 June 2020
 310-849-9612  Beverly Hills, CA - You know the routine.  Fuck you!

  269-941-6076 - Gonna give a shout out to Call Protect for this one.  Oh, Michigan...again.  Mich-again?  Fuck you!


11 June 2020
  937-303-3301  Ohio -  This text went out to two other victims, a total of three.  The theory of using a wider net in hopes of getting more phish.  See what I did there?  One idiot actually did the old reply all with ‘Stop’.  Yeah sure, numb nuts…that is totally going to work in this situation.  You just marked yourself for all telemarketers out there.  Good job!

937-303-3301

Every time we get one of these ‘make your car look shittier by slapping on some branded junk and we will pay you basically nothing’ ads, we have to ask ourselves:  Do I even have a car for said junk to be installed onto?  Are people even going to see this ad you are paying for?  Spoiler Alert:  Still on lockdown, still not going to put some random ass shit on my vehicle.
Also, RC Cola?  Fuck you!

  310-849-7238  Beverly Hills, CA – Here we going again.  Fuck you!

12 June 2020
  951-768-0675  Corona, CA - Another texting scam.  Go ahead, do a quick search for the number.  You could be receiving anything from a new iPhone, iPad, Nintendo Switch, Amazon gift card...whatever it is I am sure is it totally legit.  Fuck you!

22 June 2020
  949-436-1754  Antioch, CA - Did not get this until the next day, but here we go with these phishy texting scams.

925-436-1754
What the hell is CALEITC4me?  Never heard of it.  Therefore, this is a obviously a scam.

But wait, there is still time to file taxes?  It is fucking June, I thought taxes were due in April...on Tax Day.  Oh, I get cash back, too?  Fuck you!

  949-424-4868  Livermore, CA - Back to back texts, about three hours apart.  At least I have heard of Costco.

949-424-4868
For the record, there is no Costo attached to this number.  Oh wait, could this be a scam?  No, not Costco.  Fuck you!

24 June 2020
  310-985-0497  Santa Monica, CA - Surprise, another spoofed number.  Fuck you!

25 June 2020
  310-849-8924  Beverly Hills, CA - Same old, same old.  Fuck you!

  310-812-2928  Hawthorne, CA - Another random number, which pretty much means this another spoofed number.  Fuck you!

27 June 2020
  917-514-5836  New York City - Guess what.   If you guessed this was another texting spam, you guessed right!  Fuck you!

30 June 2020
  310-849-9536  Beverly Hills, CA - Last day of the month.  I guess robots need to meet their quota.  Fuck you!

28 May 2020

Secretly Judging You By Your Shoelaces

Day 75 of quarantine.  Most of us have been on lockdown since π Day, the 74th day of this year.  This means we have been on lock down for more than half of the days in the year.  This also reason (or excuse) I have not put on real pants or real shoes since 14 March 2020.

Speaking of shoes, there is a detail on shoes that I have noticed since I watched an episode of Columbo.  The episode named "An Exercise in Fatality" (Season 4, Episode 1), staring Robert Conrad as the protagonist opposite Peter Falk.  Spoiler Alert!  The case is solved by Columbo when he notices the shoelaces on the victim's shoes.

So, for decades, I have been obsessing over not just shoes, but laces.  How the shoes are laced, and how they are tied.  I have always wanted to write up this tutorial-like post...so excited.  Here is a sample of my laces:

Proper lacing and tying of shoelaces...according to me

Keep this first image in mind, I will get to the details later.  There are many ways to lace up shoes.  Many of them are more for artistic and aesthetic reasons with funky patterns, twisting the laces, using different laces.  Most of these methods are not functional, meaning they do not secure the shoe as well, at least not efficiently.  We are going to look at three basic, and very similar ways to lace up.  The difference is in the details that nerds like me (probably only me) will notice and secretly judge you by.

First, we will take a look at the most common way shoes are laced up.

Common lace up
Go get a pair of trainers and look at the laces.  They are most likely going to be laced like the image above.  This is the common way to lace shoes when they leave the factory.  Sometimes only the first few eyelets are laced, but they usually start out the same.

In, out, out, out...
This technique starts with the aglet going into the first eyelets, then it goes out the remaining holes as we go up the eyestay.  The question is, why this pattern?

I have not figured out  the reason why the manufactures want an 'overhand' approach on the first set of holes, then use and 'underhand' approach for the remaining holes.  It just does not seem efficient to change 'attack angles'.  Why not pick one direction and and go with that?

Chevrons pointing down, huge pentagon gap
Keep in mind, that I am obsessively concerned about this stuff...in an unhealthy way.

This way of lacing creates an eyesore in negative space.   In the image above, note the chevrons (negative space between laces) are pointing upward.  The main eyesore is the pentagon or inverted home plate shape at the bottom that is created using this default lacing pattern.  Depending on the distance between the eyelets and thickness of laces, this gap can be really stick out.

It just seems like such a huge gap between the row one and two, and row two and three.  While the other rows are relatively even spaced and aesthetically pleasing, that bottom negative space is triggering all sorts of OCD alarms.

Here is one solution:

Alternate lacing method
We start off by going under, lacing from the inside-out, and continue until the end.  Simple.


Lacing from the inside-out, underhand method

Using this method, all the laces are going in the same way and you have nice, uniformed spacing between the laces.  I first noticed this method in dress shoes...you know, because of details.

Chevrons pointing up
Pro tip:  I used to work at a skating rink and we periodically had to lace up new skates or re-lace rental skates.  The underhand method is faster and more efficient.  Also, if you just want to lace up fast and do not care about pattern, you start off normally, then you lace up two holes at ones.  Two on the right, laces parallel, two on the left, two right, two left...etc.  While it is not the best way to lace skates, it is the fastest.  Take it from me, I was one of the fastest skate-lacers in the county.

Instead of going from the inside-out, I use the overhand method to lace up.  The first thing I do when I get the shoes home it to undo and re-lace both shoes.  I always start with the left shoe.  Why?  Because I am crazy, you should know that by now.

When I started playing hockey and needed my skates to fit snug and stay on.  So, I adopted the 'outside-in' approach of lacing. This method does a better job of 'locking' the laces, ensuring a tighter fitting skate.  I just transferred this technique over to my daily footwear.

Outside-in method

Keep it consistent, with even spacing of the chevrons, as shown in this and the previous approach to lacing.

chevrons
Because we are coming in from the outside, instead of going out from the inside, the chevrons are reversed.  They point down...they also point forward to the 'normal' direction of travel.

In addition, I have the laces overlap on in alternating pattern to create a uniform look

overlap
For example, on the right shoe (pictured), the right side of the lacing overlaps the left.  Of course, this is reversed on the left show. Remember that first photo?

Of course, I take it one step further.  Noticed how the laces are tied.

Hold on.  Go get a pair of shoes and tie both laces like you normally do.  They probably look like this:

"Right-handed bow"
..or this:

"Left-handed bow"
Now compare your bows to mine.  Yes, my method of tying might be a little different than yours. Some people use the 'butterfly', some use the 'bunny ears', some use the 'wrap around'.  There are other process you can use to tie your bow, it will usually slant to one side.  Your pair of bows are most likely both rest leaning to the same side, either right or left, like (traditional) windshield wipers.

Leaning to the left, Left-handed bow
If you tie a 'right-handed bow', it will always rest leaning to the right.  No matter how you twist the bow, it will rest leaning to the right...and vice versa. A left leaning bow can only be accomplished by tying a 'left-handed bow'.  I doubt these are officially called "right-handed" or "left-handed" bows/knots, but you get the idea.

Right-handed bow leans to the right
Spoiler Alert!  In that Columbo episode, the 'handedness' of the bow on the victim's shoe was what solved the case for Columbo.

Note that the angle of my bow follows angle and direction of the laces, and they are mirrored to each other.  I always lace and tie my shoelaces so they have a forward momentum look, and so they have the same 'flow'.  This can only happen if the bows are tied in reverse of each other.

Mirrored look
Yes, I taught myself to tie ambidextrous bows, just so I can achieve 'mirrored' bows.  No one ever notices this, but now that you know this phenomenon exists, you cannot unsee it.

Does it make me run or skate faster? No.  But, if I get murdered by Robert Conrad and he puts shoes on me afterwards and ties some random bows, Columbo will notice that the bows do not match my other shoes, and the case will be solved.


04 May 2020

My Crazy Idea for NHL Restart

By now, we should be into the second round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs.  It is usually that exciting time of year for hockey fans.  But, like you, we are sitting at home watching random hockey related videos to try and fill that void in an effort to escape the reality of the global situation.

A few weeks ago, I came up with this crazy idea to salvage the season and award a champion.

First, we will follow safety regulations and will have this event  happen at a neutral site or sites.  It really does not matter as much as this wacko format.  Buckle up, here we go.

We go right into playoffs.  All stats will count towards Playoffs, so Alex Ovechkin will have to wait until next season to pass Mike Gartner in all-time goals list.

Sure, there will be conditioning and practices for about two weeks, but when it starts, it starts...right into a 32 team bracket.  Yeah, there are 31 teams right now...therefore, as defending champion, St. Louis Blues get a bye in the first round.  Okay, you can argue Boston with their top overall seed and eventual President's Trophy.  But, this is my stupid idea...and it gets stupider.

Crude Playoff Bracket
The bracket will be filled based on current Conference standings.  The first seed in each Conference will play the last (16) team.  It just happens that the Blues are first in the West, they will play the winner of Nashville vs Vancouver (8 vs 9)

There will be no re-seeding after each round.

The First Round will be a Best-of-Three format.  This will also act as your end of the season and final push into the traditional 16-team playoffs.  Every team gets a shot at the Cup, even Detroit.  Crazy, you say?  Well, we are living in crazy times, my friend.

Like back in the day, Conferences will alternate game days.  Example:  Day 1, all East games.  Day 2, all West games.  Day 3, all East...etc.

Here is a simulation of First Round with some upsets.

Round 2
The Second Round is Best-of-Five format.  I will explain why later on.  This is where the 'normal' playoffs begin with the 16-teams.

Round 3


Yes, I totally made all the Western Canadian teams get into the next round.  Come on, Battle of Alberta in the Playoffs.  We had the Battle of Pennsylvania and Battle of Ontario in the last round.  This is all fantasy, anyway.

With eight teams left, we go to standard Best-of-Seven from here on out.

Round 4
Okay, the only one that makes any sense at this point is Boston.  Three of the final four are Canadian team are highly unlikely...even in the CFL.

Finals

Totally dreaming of an All-Canadian Finals.  I will end it there, but you already know who I want to win.  Anyway, you get the idea.

Why the Best of 3 - 5 - 7 - 7 - 7 format?  In this format of 32 teams, you would need 17 wins to win the Cup, instead of the traditional 16 wins.  St.Louis, with the First Round bye, would need 15 wins.

So, there it is.  Every team gets to play at least two games and a chance to compete for the Cup.  Season saved and we have a legitimate champion.\

The longest this format can can go, with all series going the distance, and no rest days in between rounds, is 62 days.  If every series is a sweep with no rest days, we can crown our champion in 34 days.

This works for the NBA, as their season was cut short, as well.  The NBA schedule is usually about a week or two behind the NHL schedule.  With 30 teams in NBA, the top seeds in each Conference get a first round bye, they play winner of 8 vs 9.  Done!

You can thank me later.




03 May 2020

FUCK YOU, STOP CALLING ME - May 2020

Deep into the pandemic and quarantine.  While it does seem to slow down these calls, it does not stop them.

7 May 2020
  310-322-8705  El Segundo, CA - A week into the month, and this is the first call.  Obviously, this is another spoofed number.  I am amazed it took so long for the telemarketers to call.  The last call was over two weeks ago. Perhaps the they are cutting down on jobs.  Do robots get laid off?   Fuck you!

9 May 2020
 949-550-7135  Irvine, CA - Early Saturday morning, looks like "Micheal"got another text

949-550-7135
No need to reply STOP, I will just BLOCK...fuck you!

17 May 2020
  657-274-2192  Morristown, NJ -  Same message, different number.


657-274-2192
Also blocked.  Fuck you!

21 May 2020
  419-495-5007  Ohio - Call Protect, where have you been all this time?

419-495-5007
Obvioulsy, I do not check my phone that often.  But, good thing Call Protect intercepted this Fraud Risk from Ohio.  Even when I did a search for this to find where the call came from, the search results say "telemarketer".  Yeah, I know.  But, from where?  Call Protect says it is from Ohio, I guess that is good enough...no that it matters. I am just trying to keep a consistent format, here.

Where was I?  Oh yeah.  Fuck you!

24 May 2020
 218-396-2705  Becker, MN - This is a spoofed number.  If you did a search for this number and ended up here...first of all, welcome.  Second, your number has been used to make telemarketing calls from the evil empire known as Door Dash.  I got five texts in 74 minutes.

218-396-2705
Look at this mess.  Who orders food from five places?  Am I that hungry?  I guess it could be someone having a party.

Join me while I dive deep into this.

  • Number 'originates' from Becker, Minnesota
  • The Pickle Barrel has locations in Montana and South Dakota.  Closest location to Becker is about a four hour drive.
  • Bulgogi BBQ just sounds generic.  There is no establishment named "Bulgogi BBQ" near Becker.  The closest Korean restaurant (at least a good one) is near Becker is in Minneapolis, about an hour away.
  • Noodle Me is in San Francisco, about a 29 hour drive.  Does Door Dash have a fucking airline service?
  • Chinese Dumpling House is in Port Hueneme, CA, about six hours South of San Francisco, and also 29 hour drive to Becker
  • Red & Hot Szechuan House is in Rancho Cucamonga, CA, an hour East of Port Hueneme, so only 28 hour drive to Becker.  
So here is the route that one would need to take to pick up food for this order

Douche Dash
Star at Noodle Me in San Francisco.   Drive down to Port Hueneme to pick up the Chinese Dumpling House Order.  Head East to Rancho Cucamonda to Red & Hot Szechuan House, and you better hope the food stays hot for this next journey.  Now, head Northeast to Sioux Falls to The Pickel Barrel, which happens to be the only non-Asian food on the order.  Wait, did you remember to pick up the 'Bulgogi BBQ' along the way.  You better hope the restaurant the order is from is somewhere on this route. That only took 36 hours...with no traffic.

Yeah, I get that there are multiple drivers, perhaps pilots, doing the delivery runs.  Still this is ridiculous.  Okay, now I am hungry.  Who should I call?  Fuck you!

26 May 2020
  916-436-6090  Fair Oaks, CA - Well, at least this was not Door Dash.  Still...fuck you!

27 May 2020
  323-333-5484  Los Angeles, CA - Pretty damn obvious that this another phishing scam.  But, let us take a look see.

323-333-5484
Uh, there is no reason for me to be at any of these listed stores.  I would be a shitty "Mystery Shopper" since these places are foreign to me.

We continue.  So they want me to go to these stores and purchase AE gift cards and groceries. Well, if that does not sound like a scam...   Also, who the fuck is going out these days?   We are in the middle of a pandemic.  I like not interacting with people and $295 is not enough money for me to hang out with strangers.  Heck, double that at $600...and it is still not enough for me to hang out with people I know.

HR Walter?  Yeah, that sounds like a legit name.  Fuck you!

  415-553-0484  San Francisco, CA - Call Protect with eight saves

415-553-0484
Is it a complete coincidence that the last three digits of this call match the last three of the previous text?  Yeah, probably.  But eight attempts from this number.  No need to do a search, we got confirmation from Call Protect that these douche bags are a Fraud Risk.  Fuck you!

  419-495-5007  Ohio - Wait, these fucknuts tried to contact me last week.  Just look at the 21 May entry.  I guess this was the first time in a while that Call Protect kicked in.  Well, looks like good old CP did some overtime today.  Fuck you!