Woke up this morning, at around 4:30AM, in pain. At first, I thought it was stomach problems...like diarrhea, but epicenter was not in the usual spot. I figured, hoped, it would go away after I sat on the toilet for a while. While I successfully extruded, the pain did not go away. I even tried to throw up, thinking that would help. I was only able to dry heave with some stomach fluids coming up, nothing chunky. There was nothing I could do. I rolled around on the floor, trying to find a comfortable position to lay or sit in . No deal.
I just wanted to get back to sleep, but the pain, while not excruciating, was enough to keep my from falling asleep. When the wife woke up, she suggested that we go see a doctor. Being the cheap ass that I am, I was willing to wait it out a bit. She tried looking up symptoms on line and narrowed it down to gall stone, kidney stone, pancreas, or appendix. I was thinking, why not throw in stomach cancer. All things neither of us have ever experienced. This is what you get when you have designers trying to diagnose symptoms. Not smart enough for medical school? If you can draw pretty pictures, go to art school.
The pain had radiated to my back. The nurse at the hospital used the word 'radiated'. Did you think an art school education would produce that word? Now, I had pain in my abdomen and lower back (basically, on the other side), awesome!
After a few hours, she convinced me to go to ER. Awesome, another trip to the hospital. More crazy medical bills, yay! And, more stress on the part of my wife, while I lay there with pain killers. So, off to Little Company of Mary Hospital. We go there around 7:45-ish, I had no clue what the time was. This was a really nice hospital, way better than the one I went to when I broke my wrist. I guess being a Catholic hospital has its advantages. I wondered if they would reject me if I was not Catholic...or if you have to be Catholic to work there. Anyways, nice hospital. It helped that we happened to be there when there was no one there. There was no waiting. As soon as I walked in, they took my vitals and tried to figure out what was wrong with me.
We were lead to a room, where I stripped down and got to wear a sexy hospital gown. They needed a urine sample, so I got to pee in a cup. Easy for guys, must be a slight challenge for girls to do. I was only able to provide a little sample.
Back in the room, I was hooked up to monitors, usual stuff. I was also given the all important pain killer. Within a few minutes, the pain had gone away. Oh, the nurse, Megan, also took some blood and hooked my up the the IV. The doctor came in and looked over me. Still, had no idea what the problem was. He said it could have been kidney stone, gall stone, or appendix. Hey, the internet works...who needs med school? Samples of urine and blood were taken to be examined to better diagnose my situation. In addition, I would there would be a CT scan.
Sweet, new toy. I have never been scanned by CT, I was kinda excited to have this done. It is a big donut thing with a bed. Sorta like Stargate...or an asshole. The patient (me) lies on the bed, while the bed moves in and out of the hole. Yeah, kinda sexual. Inside the donut is a spinning magnet, I guess all sorts of tech stuff goes on...like I said, just like Stargate. During the scanning process, I was asked to hold my breath. I wish I got to see the photos.
Now the waiting game while the scans were being reviewed and my bodily fluids were being analysed. There was a TV in the room, so I got to watch some pretty bad weekday morning stuff. Good thing the pain medication was working and I was able to nap a little.
A few hours later, they came back with my report. Everything looked normal, they did not find any stones in my kidney. I must have passed it and it is somewhere along the way to the bladder. So, a little piece of calcium caused all that pain, lame! I guess the good news is, it was nothing major. No need for surgery...although I would love to have a titanium kidney. How awesome would that be? The doctor prescribed me some pain killers, vicodin, in case I experience more pain. Which is expected until I pee out the stone. He also prescribed Flomax, it helps one pee...a lot. I am sure you have seen the commercials. Normally, Flomax is prescribed to older people to help them pee.
You might be wondering, how do I know when I pee out the stone? The nurse gave me a few strainers for me to pee in. Pee runs through, rock stays. Peeing for the next few days is going to be fun. Before I was discharged the pain started to come back. I was given another shot of the good stuff through the IV. I love the cooling feeling of liquid flowing through my vein. Imagine a hot day and someone takes an alcohol swab and traces your vein. Now, imagine that on the inside of your vein. Believe me, it is cool and refreshing. It also makes you feel light headed...and that was pretty damn awesome! Oh, and on the plus side, it also makes the pain go away.
We left the hospital around noon. Time for food, I did not have breakfast...just in case I need surgery, and that whole stomach aching thing was not helping.
Yup, the Flowmax is working, I have to pee now. That ends this adventure to the hospital...until next time.
EDIT: I got a comment via email:
I’m trying to comment on your blog, but damn firewalls won’t let me know log in.
Here’s my comment.
I had a kidney stone once! I drink very little water (I know I know) and I was taking some drug that caused them, so you needed to drink even more water. Which I didn't.
Hope you feel better soon.Pee on, my friend.
Only peed once since I got back. Oh, I should mention that they found blood in my urine sample. This is a result from a stone rubbing against some of the plumbing causing it to bleed. Hence, blood in urine. Or, they mixed my blood sample with my urine sample. Good thing they did not find urine in my blood sample.