04 May 2020

My Crazy Idea for NHL Restart

By now, we should be into the second round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs.  It is usually that exciting time of year for hockey fans.  But, like you, we are sitting at home watching random hockey related videos to try and fill that void in an effort to escape the reality of the global situation.

A few weeks ago, I came up with this crazy idea to salvage the season and award a champion.

First, we will follow safety regulations and will have this event  happen at a neutral site or sites.  It really does not matter as much as this wacko format.  Buckle up, here we go.

We go right into playoffs.  All stats will count towards Playoffs, so Alex Ovechkin will have to wait until next season to pass Mike Gartner in all-time goals list.

Sure, there will be conditioning and practices for about two weeks, but when it starts, it starts...right into a 32 team bracket.  Yeah, there are 31 teams right now...therefore, as defending champion, St. Louis Blues get a bye in the first round.  Okay, you can argue Boston with their top overall seed and eventual President's Trophy.  But, this is my stupid idea...and it gets stupider.

Crude Playoff Bracket
The bracket will be filled based on current Conference standings.  The first seed in each Conference will play the last (16) team.  It just happens that the Blues are first in the West, they will play the winner of Nashville vs Vancouver (8 vs 9)

There will be no re-seeding after each round.

The First Round will be a Best-of-Three format.  This will also act as your end of the season and final push into the traditional 16-team playoffs.  Every team gets a shot at the Cup, even Detroit.  Crazy, you say?  Well, we are living in crazy times, my friend.

Like back in the day, Conferences will alternate game days.  Example:  Day 1, all East games.  Day 2, all West games.  Day 3, all East...etc.

Here is a simulation of First Round with some upsets.

Round 2
The Second Round is Best-of-Five format.  I will explain why later on.  This is where the 'normal' playoffs begin with the 16-teams.

Round 3


Yes, I totally made all the Western Canadian teams get into the next round.  Come on, Battle of Alberta in the Playoffs.  We had the Battle of Pennsylvania and Battle of Ontario in the last round.  This is all fantasy, anyway.

With eight teams left, we go to standard Best-of-Seven from here on out.

Round 4
Okay, the only one that makes any sense at this point is Boston.  Three of the final four are Canadian team are highly unlikely...even in the CFL.

Finals

Totally dreaming of an All-Canadian Finals.  I will end it there, but you already know who I want to win.  Anyway, you get the idea.

Why the Best of 3 - 5 - 7 - 7 - 7 format?  In this format of 32 teams, you would need 17 wins to win the Cup, instead of the traditional 16 wins.  St.Louis, with the First Round bye, would need 15 wins.

So, there it is.  Every team gets to play at least two games and a chance to compete for the Cup.  Season saved and we have a legitimate champion.\

The longest this format can can go, with all series going the distance, and no rest days in between rounds, is 62 days.  If every series is a sweep with no rest days, we can crown our champion in 34 days.

This works for the NBA, as their season was cut short, as well.  The NBA schedule is usually about a week or two behind the NHL schedule.  With 30 teams in NBA, the top seeds in each Conference get a first round bye, they play winner of 8 vs 9.  Done!

You can thank me later.




03 May 2020

FUCK YOU, STOP CALLING ME - May 2020

Deep into the pandemic and quarantine.  While it does seem to slow down these calls, it does not stop them.

7 May 2020
  310-322-8705  El Segundo, CA - A week into the month, and this is the first call.  Obviously, this is another spoofed number.  I am amazed it took so long for the telemarketers to call.  The last call was over two weeks ago. Perhaps the they are cutting down on jobs.  Do robots get laid off?   Fuck you!

9 May 2020
 949-550-7135  Irvine, CA - Early Saturday morning, looks like "Micheal"got another text

949-550-7135
No need to reply STOP, I will just BLOCK...fuck you!

17 May 2020
  657-274-2192  Morristown, NJ -  Same message, different number.


657-274-2192
Also blocked.  Fuck you!

21 May 2020
  419-495-5007  Ohio - Call Protect, where have you been all this time?

419-495-5007
Obvioulsy, I do not check my phone that often.  But, good thing Call Protect intercepted this Fraud Risk from Ohio.  Even when I did a search for this to find where the call came from, the search results say "telemarketer".  Yeah, I know.  But, from where?  Call Protect says it is from Ohio, I guess that is good enough...no that it matters. I am just trying to keep a consistent format, here.

Where was I?  Oh yeah.  Fuck you!

24 May 2020
 218-396-2705  Becker, MN - This is a spoofed number.  If you did a search for this number and ended up here...first of all, welcome.  Second, your number has been used to make telemarketing calls from the evil empire known as Door Dash.  I got five texts in 74 minutes.

218-396-2705
Look at this mess.  Who orders food from five places?  Am I that hungry?  I guess it could be someone having a party.

Join me while I dive deep into this.

  • Number 'originates' from Becker, Minnesota
  • The Pickle Barrel has locations in Montana and South Dakota.  Closest location to Becker is about a four hour drive.
  • Bulgogi BBQ just sounds generic.  There is no establishment named "Bulgogi BBQ" near Becker.  The closest Korean restaurant (at least a good one) is near Becker is in Minneapolis, about an hour away.
  • Noodle Me is in San Francisco, about a 29 hour drive.  Does Door Dash have a fucking airline service?
  • Chinese Dumpling House is in Port Hueneme, CA, about six hours South of San Francisco, and also 29 hour drive to Becker
  • Red & Hot Szechuan House is in Rancho Cucamonga, CA, an hour East of Port Hueneme, so only 28 hour drive to Becker.  
So here is the route that one would need to take to pick up food for this order

Douche Dash
Star at Noodle Me in San Francisco.   Drive down to Port Hueneme to pick up the Chinese Dumpling House Order.  Head East to Rancho Cucamonda to Red & Hot Szechuan House, and you better hope the food stays hot for this next journey.  Now, head Northeast to Sioux Falls to The Pickel Barrel, which happens to be the only non-Asian food on the order.  Wait, did you remember to pick up the 'Bulgogi BBQ' along the way.  You better hope the restaurant the order is from is somewhere on this route. That only took 36 hours...with no traffic.

Yeah, I get that there are multiple drivers, perhaps pilots, doing the delivery runs.  Still this is ridiculous.  Okay, now I am hungry.  Who should I call?  Fuck you!

26 May 2020
  916-436-6090  Fair Oaks, CA - Well, at least this was not Door Dash.  Still...fuck you!