04 February 2016


Ah, Leap Year.  This means there is one more day this year to be harassed by telemarketers.

4 February 2016 
  773-858-6761  Chicago, IL - I have never been to Chicago, but planning on a trip to Illinois soon.  What does that have to do with anything?  Well, nothing.  I just cannot think of anything insulting to say right now....since I have yet to visit the Windy City.  They have a good hockey team.  I guess you need to have shitty telemarketers (I could just say 'telemarketers', no need for 'shitty') to balance out the greatness of their sports teams.  Anyway, I would love to shoot a puck at a telemarketer.  Fuck you!

5 February 2016
  708-475-9208  New York, NY - First Chicago, now New York.  Last month it was Los Angeles.  They are attacking from the big cities.  Do you see what is going on here?  The best way to attack the system is to go undercover.  First it was small towns and suburbs.  We are not safe, the largest cities with large populations and media coverage are being attacked by telemarketers.  They are among us. Find them before they find...uh, call you.  Fuck!
16 February 2016
  305-747-6062  Marathon, FL - Marathon?  Well, the Los Angeles Marathon was this weekend, you are a little late for that.  One has to be quite fit to run a marathon.  I find it quite ironic that a telemarketer would call from a city named after a sport.  We all know that telemarketers are out of shape losers.  More loser than out of shape...although most of them are computers.  Either way, lives getting wasted when employed as a telemarketer.  Or, processing power is being wasted.  Go out, get some exercise or compute useful data to help mankind...instead of sitting on your ass and harassing people over the phone.   Fuck you!

20 February 2016
  650-727-1364  San Mateo, California - This one is odd.  I did some digging because it seems like a legit wrong number.  But, since it is a text...a series of texts...there is something fishy phishy going on here.  And, you all know how I fell about text messages, here I receive four in a span of 30-40 minutes.  Take a look.

Part 1

 The first text seems like textbook telemarketing.  No way I am clicking on that link.  I did, however, look up DoorDash only after the four texts.  It seems like a legitimate business.  Look at the second message.  Who the fuck is Lori?  Did I the text somehow get 'split' and sent to Lori and me?
It seems that Lori got her order and Phil is delivering some sweet ass barbeque.  Johnny Memphis Smokehouse Barbeque seems like a decent place, based on their 3 out of 5 star review on Yelp.  But what do I know, I do not frequent barbeque joints.

So what is really going on here?  Did our streams get crossed?  I mean, this could be an honest mistake by DoorDash.  DoorDash sounds like Jordache...ha, remember Jordache Jeans, apparently they are still in business. Well, I guess the only thing I have to say is, fuck you!

Jordache - Sarah Jessica Parker

Okay, I am going to go off a tangent here.  Everyone makes fun of how Sarah Jessica Parker resembles a horse.  So, why...why would she sign an endorsement contract with Jordache...especially when the company's logo/mascot is a horse?  Really, they even got her to pose on all fours with her mane brushed to one side!

Did she approach Jordache?  If not, the PR/marketing genius at Jordache that approached Ms. Parker with the contract has some big balls...at the very least, hung like a horse.

26 February 2016
  760-206-7742 Lee Vining, CA - Lee Vining?  What the fuck is a 'Lee Vining'? Usually, I am pretty pissed about the calls...this time, I am quite intrigued by the name of the city.  I even did a little research on it, check this shit out.

Lee Vining is  located near the California-Nevada border, directly East of San Francisco and directly North of Bakersfiled...you can do that triangulation thingy on a map.  The town, covering 43 square miles, is near Mono Lake and, get this, it is 6781 feet above see level.  So, when the telemarketers there fuck them selves, they join the mile high club.  Lee Vining has a population of 222 as of 2010.  So you could say that Lee Vining could have the largest telemarketer population per ca pita.  Maybe the whole town is full of telemarketers...like those fake towns the Russians were using to train agents/spies, back in the day.  I am not kidding when I say that telemarketers are terrorists.

Lee Vining is also located near the East entrance of Yosemite National Park, or about 100 miles South East of Lake Tahoe.  This means that their economy is mostly dependent on tourism.  It would seem that their second most would be terrorism/telemarketing.

The small town was founded Leroy Vining as a mining camp during the California gold rush, in 1852.  Get this, the guy died when he accidentally shot himself.  I wish telemarketers would 'accidentally' shoot themselves.  The original name was Lakeview in 1926, but since there was already a Lakeview.  See, from the get go this town was doomed.  No wonder it was easy for telemarketers to set up shop here.

Anyway, I feel like I am doing a fucking book report here.  Just like many reports I have written, no one is going to read this...and just like the other, I totally just reword information found in research.  Pretty sure that is what most people do.  Even a loser like me DID NOT grow up to be a telemarketer, so how bad did they fuck up in school to land that job.  Fuck you!

29 February 2016
  209-849-9473  Escalon, CA - Oh, this one is interesting.  We have (I think) our first Leap Day telemarketer call.  This is the one I have been waiting for.  You know, I can only get this once every four years.  But, there is something else.  You know how I complain about telemarketers not leaving a message?  Well, this one went directly to voicemail.

No ringy dingy on the phone, just straight to voicemail.  As you have guessed, this is  a scam on credit card debt.  Voicemail starts of with, "press one, if you would like to receive information on credit card debt....press three if you want to be removed from list" blah, blah, blah.  What happens if I press numbers during a voice mail?

Anyway, I find it weird that this did not come in as a phone call, first.  Maybe it leaped that step.  Fuck you!

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