Here we go, another month of telemarketing calls and texts. What creative scams will we see this month?
1 November 2021
email@example.com - Finally, a scam we can get excited about.
Normally, we break down little details of the text itself or the address or number/location of the sender. Heck, sometimes we go deep into misspellings and analysis of the link. We really want to nitpick that link, as it looks like a cat walked on the center of the keyboard. Although, we are intrigued by the repeating pattern of letters. Heck, if the cat walked just a little to the left, and only walked on the D, F, and G...it could be notes to a song. See, that H throws it all out of whack.
That extra space and lack of a comma after 'Now' is begging for us to poke fun at. And, that is not the only grammatical issues we see. So many flags being raised...among other things being raised.
We are also not going to do talk about these matters, and we are not going to talk about the time of the incoming text. Because, we are really, for the lack of a better word, excited about this.
No way this is a scam, right? Random chick just pick one special person to text and offer up their genitals to be tongue lashed. Sure, it happens all the time. The name Alessandra Ashely totally does not sound like a made up stripper name to get the blood rushing to our credentials.
Maybe tonight is the night we finally get lucky. Normally, we end these things by saying fuck you, but in this case, we think it is appropriate to say, lick you!
2 November 2021
firstname.lastname@example.org - Could this be the month of texts by email.
No offers to stroll down Petticoat Lane, just a link. A questionable link send at 5:21AM. Fuck you!
310-849-9130 Beverly Hills, CA - Welcome back! Good to see a semi-familiar number. We know what to do in situations like this. But, slight twist, they left a voicemail, at 7:51AM. All the bot was able to get through, after our long outgoing message...was just "goodbye"
310-436-8400 Gardena, CA - Meh, could be a wrong number. Nothing came up on a search, so we will just classify this under telemarketer as default. Fuck you!
3 November 2021
+95 18185504 Myanmar (Burma) - Either this is a really wrong number...who would misdial a long distance number? Or, they are not spoofing numbers anymore and car just calling straight from Myanmar. Fuck you!
615-450-3396 Hartsville, TN - This is interesting. While this could be legit, there are signs pointing to another scam. Join us, as we break this down. First, let us take a look at the text:
Speaking of William F Prince...we looked him up. There is no HR Manager named William F Prince that works for either Walgreens or Kroger. You would think that someone up top like that would at least have some sort of professional listing. Nope. We even looked up HR Managers for both businesses and none of them were named William F Prince. Again, there could be a chance that a William F Prince is a regional or local HR Manager...maybe.
The link, of course, is questionable...we have been through this part. Also, why contact us for these 'tasks'. Seriously, $350-$450 is good money to chill at a store for 20-30 minutes...but that is 20-30 minutes at a Walgreens and/or Kroger. Fuck that, and fuck you!
5 November 2021
615-572-3860 Tennessee - Another text from Tennessee. What is up with that large blank space?
Maybe someday we will meet Jed and his family and see what this is all about. Until then, fuck you!
12 November 2021
209-739-3641 Manteca, CA - Whoa, Manteca! Back in the day, there was a water park in Manteca. In a time before 8:00AM telemarketing call, that water park was the crown jewel of Manteca. Fuck you!
Update: We got a voicemail
Student loans? Ha! You assume that we are educated and have student loans.
16 November 2021
email@example.com - So, this came in late at night, at 10:34 PM. We were getting our beauty sleep when this came in. If you know what we look like, you know we need our beauty sleep. Writing this the next day, times and dates of this post are correct.
This is our favourite part...breaking it down.
First, the name. Well, first...this was sent via email, from what looks suspiciously like a fake account. It starts out like it could be some hot name from a hot chick. But then, it just ends in a bunch of mangled letters.
We continue. So, is "Sexy Girl" your name? Why would it be capitalized? Did you mean "I'm a sexy girl"? That makes more sense and sounds kinda hot. Wait, did your parents name you "Sexy Girl". Shit, going through life like that must have been hard with people making gun of your name. Heck, with a name like that, the only career path would be some sort of erotic performer...like a stripper. Oh wait, is that just your stripper name? I like it, it gets right to the point. Nothing confusing like "SanDeE*".
Next line. "I love fucking". Cool, got it. Again, straight to the point. Not wasting time or characters. Then, we have to call the Grammar Police, again. Why is "Favorite Style" capitalized? and why is "Doggy" in parentheses? This is so Confusing To (US).
Last line. "Hit me its my personal link::" Working backwards, you only need one set of colons. Wait, are we talking about anal whilst in doggy? Moving on..."its"? You mean "it's", it is...as in , it is my personal link. There should also be a comma after "Hit me". For your consideration: "Hit me, it's my personal link:".
Again we have another link that looks way too suspicious. That first part is just some intern taping on the three keys in the middle of a keyboard. "Oh, look at me I am coding...ghjghjuhjfh".
Would it be inappropriate if we sent back a random dick pic? Fuck you!
17 November 2021
+33 3 60 35 71 62 Creil, Picardy, France - There is a 'Picardy' in France? Is this where the Picard family is originally from? Totally plausible that the Picard's migrated 500km Southeast to Le Barre, and one day Jean-Luc Picard was born. Maybe they were on holiday.
Yes, totally going to gloss over the fact that this call cam all the way from France. Make it so!
19 November 2021
310-322-8706 El Segundo, CA - No message, no results after a quick search. Could be a wrong number. Very doubtful. Fuck you!
20 November 2021
310-849-7359 Beverly Hills, CA - We can always count on Beverly Hills to call.
firstname.lastname@example.org - This is the same email text as previous. Note the time this was received. Exactly the same time at 10:34PM, this is a pattern. One more and we get a free gift.
However, the email address on this one is your typical 'cat walking on keyboard' name. Clearly a fake address. No need to send dick pic, as they will never receive it.
The link is slightly different. Same random use of the letter at the center of a keyboard, just different configuration. Basically, same cat. Fuck you!
22 November 2021
805-527-6940 Simi Valley, CA - Based on initial search results, this is very likely a spoofed number. This might be our first call from Simi Valley, so we are exited about that. But, not as excited to say, fuck you!
26 November 2021
209-954-5655 Stockton, CA - We know the AHL affiliate of the Calgary Flames are in Stockton. But we doubt they would be calling us. We are not season ticket holders to either the Flames or the Heat.
29 November 2021
email@example.com - Note the time. Coming in at 1:51 AM.